Feelings in a Labyrinth
by rei-blaze
Summary: Three-shots. AU. Sure, he hates her. And he knows that hate is not the antipodal of love - not even close. Hate is just angrily having concern about someone... an in-denial love.
1. i

**A/N: S****o what am I doing? 'seems like I already have a hard time of fastly updating my other fics, and I am starting with another, again? Heh, don't worry, don't worry. It's only going to be a two-shot, so chill! ^^**

**Have fun reading!**

**Disclaimer: In my dreams, I own bleach. But in reality, it belongs to Tite Kubo. So I'll just keep dreaming. :3**

* * *

She shouldn't have let it happen. She should have been more careful, so as not to be a victim of such trap. But above all, she should have known that it is not impossible... to fall for him.

Him, who had been betrothed to her through a past parental agreement. Him, whose eyes had always been filled with aloofness, with distance - a barrier he had manage to put in between him and the rest of the world. Him, who had never learned to trust anyone else. Him, who had never seen her as anything more than an acquaintance. And him, whose heart had been locked for a long time.

Six months. A period that their parents had given them to know each other, to live together in one roof, and to work things out on them. A game that, back then, she was confident to win. Half-year would pass, and her feelings would not change because she didn't have any interest for a self-centered, rich hotshot. But... she wasn't ready...

for her heart to give up to him.

**~oOo~**

******~oOo~**

During their first month together, she learned a lot of things about him.

A matinee idol, a boy-next-door and town heartthrob all rolled up into one. With hair always distinct and set in a striking style, eyes like rare emeralds, pleasing and dignified feature, refined and graceful fashion, and actions in accord with prestige; no one could disagree that he was almost perfect. If only... he knew how to smile.

Ice was his element. Even his given name said so. Toushirou, which had the word "winter" on it. He loathed the heat of the sun so much, while according to their maids, he was fond of the seasons of snow. His personality itself was cold; always guarded with frozen walls. And humor aside, even the colors of his eyes and locks were in harmony with ice.

Second month when she realized that he was not as bad as she thought; he was not acting all-high-and-mighty, despite his wealth. Never did he brag about what he has, and never did he look down at others. He treated everyone fairly. Even if he always spoke with authority, he didn't give the attitude implying the words, 'bow to me, I am your god.' Most of all, he would show concern to others from time to time, without noticing it to himself. But he would always try to hide it with distant surface.

"Are you alright?" Even all words were covered with his mastered disinterest, she knew (or she wanted to believe) that he cared.

Smiling up at him, all she only got was an emotionless expression of his handsome face. "I'll live. It is only a small cut, Toushirou."

It was known to everyone that he didn't like to be called with his first name. He didn't like anyone to act so familiar with him. And it was right, as his brows knitted in disagreement. But she couldn't help because she secretly liked his given name. Other than that, she grew up in family where all formalities were cut.

"Do you even know how to cook?" It was not a question to start a conversation, but to clear up any doubt.

As she raised her shoulders to gesture a response, the words that followed were neither any more nor less than the truth. "I still wanted to try. After all, I don't want to be a burden while staying here."

She was perfectly aware that they were brought here together against their deliberate wishes. They didn't have any feelings for each other; not at the slightest. They were hardly acquainted, to begin with. So she should not really give a damn on what he said before turning back and left her. But the account was too harsh, sharper than a knife which stabbed her inside.

"Don't bother. Five months, and you'll leave here, anyway."

Unwanted. That was what she felt about herself. But more than that, she wondered, was it not possible for him to drop his apathetic exterior for once? Why was he so hesitant to show his true feelings?

And sure they didn't really like each other. However, they could try to, at least, become friends. Couldn't they?

But she doubted if she would be able to get an answer in any of those questions.

**~oOo~**

******~oOo~**

Woman-hater born from the time bygone. A discovery about him which had her curiosity arise. Was the past experience too agonizing to leave a wound in his heart that was too difficult to heal? She wanted to know, but she had no ways of unfolding everything.

On the other hand, one thing was for sure. She was subject to stereotype. Toushirou was being distant to her, because he was thinking that she was no different to the woman who had emotionally shattered him. She had the pressing need to prove him otherwise. But how? He would not even let her stay in front of the closed door of his heart.

"What do you want?" A question which escaped from her, after opening the door of her room and saw that it was him. Her approach not too antagonistic, neither welcoming.

"Dinner is ready," was his short reply.

She noticed how his eyes had averted from her face to her figure. She became conscious because of his intense stare, and suddenly she realized that she was only wrapped in a towel, for she just step out from the bathroom.

It was not a mistake. It didn't go unnoticed by her. The lust, evident on his eyes. Nevertheless, it quickly vanished and she heard him scoffed.

"I do not know if Matsumoto was kidding when she told me that you are a decent woman."

And that totally got her. No one had ever dared to throw an insult to her. No one. Ever.

"You know what? I do not know what happened to your past relationship before. But do you seriously needed to bend all your frustrations on me? Damn it! So maybe I am right, after all! You're a cold-hearted jerk!"

She closed the door, rather forcefully, and turned her heels. But then, he opened it and walked to her, gripping her wrist, without any bit of gentleness.

"Listen here, Kurosaki." His eyes, accompanying his voice, were filled with danger. "Of all the things that I hated is when someone dared to slam my own door in my face."

Karin wasn't scared, at all. No, she was pissed.

Unfortunately, even if she wanted to shout a couple of protests, all words had died, as he shut her by crashing his lips into hers. Without any defense, she was caught in a kiss - relentless, painful, bitter.

Ah, Hitsugaya Toushirou really hated her, and she couldn't figure out why!

* * *

**A/N: Tadaa! Hah. I am not really good on these kind of drama stuffs. Heck, I am not even sure if what you can call it. Either way, I believe it is not really that bad, (or am I just too confident to say that?) hehe. I just really wanted to try.**


	2. ii

**A/N: I told you, guys, that it will only be a two-shot story. Well, yeah, it was really suppose to be like that. But, then I just realized that the last part should be separately written on Toushirou's POV, and also since I don't already have sufficient time, I just decided to divide the (suppose) chapter two into two parts. But I have this feeling that I am going to extend it into another part again. Oh well, I hope you'll like it. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything, but the story.**

* * *

A failure. A loser. She wondered what other words she could still describe herself.

She tried to step beyond his boundary. To pass through his barrier. To understand him. To know the true person behind his mask. She tried. But she failed.

Moreover, she lost in the game. In the middle of a maze, she found her feelings gone astray. And she didn't know where to find the way out.

She struggled, at first. Denying her true feelings. Because it couldn't be... she couldn't be... But it was too strong. Too rebellious that, with so much vigor, it attempted to break free. Until that time she,finally, gave up. She let her every feelings explode and pierce the confinement into pieces.

Right, she had fallen in love with him. But was accepting the truth to her enough? Would it change anything? Would it make her feel better? Would it really... set her free?

If only he didn't hate her. Or if only she knew why he did. If only.

"Why did you get yourself this drunk, Toushirou?" She was just concern. She just wanted to know what was bothering him so much, and hoped that he would open up to her. But Toushirou was so difficult to subdue.

"Why do you even care?" Behind the unsteady voice, he still managed to put up the hostility. "Just get out of my room."

"Why are you so immature?! Don't I even have the right to, at least, worry about you?! I just wanted to help! What is really the problem, Toushirou?!"

In a snap, she found her back lying flat on his bed, both wrists pinned on either side of her head, and her middle trapped in between his knees. She stared, wide-eyed, at his glaring eyes.

"Stop. Calling me that." He hissed. He was really unnerving, truly in command. "And stop pretending like you care... Why? What do you really want? If I gave it to you, are you going to leave me alone?"

Why was he so excellent at hurting her with his words? In the first place, why was she letting it to affect her so much?

"I am not that shallow," she argued, rivaling his glare. "Let me go."

But he wasn't the type to easily take orders. He was stubborn, refusing to lose in any battle. "Fine. I am going to give you what you want."

With those words, Karin thought he was going to release her, but as she felt her lips being captured by his, again, she was able to comprehend that he had other plan.

Scalding hot, pure lust, and was it only the bitterness of alcohol that she was tasting? No, she knew it wasn't. This was the natural sense of his kiss. His hatred-filled kiss.

He didn't pull away even when his lips left hers, instead, continued brushing on her cheek, to her jaw line, to her neck.

"S-stop..." she almost begged in a shaky voice.

"Why? Isn't it what you want?" That whisper was too harsh; accusing, really. "My wealth, my name, and this. Aren't those what people only want from me? Don't pretend that you're different."

That gained her the strength to free her wrists from his hold and push him off her. Without giving him the enough time to react, she wasn't already able to hold her hand back, as her palm came in a sharp contact with his face. That slap was very well-deserved.

His eyes didn't hold its usual iciness when they looked at her. It was replaced by shock, fear and regret. Sign of realization on his earlier action.

"I- I am sorry, Kar... Kurosaki. I didn't mean to..." Ah, how she loathed how he would suddenly soften when she was already on the peak of her anger.

"It's fine. You're just drunk."

She would not show any weakness in front of him. That was her thought when she ran out of his room.

.

.

She was not going to cry. She promised herself that she would not cry, anymore. After her mother's death, she never cried again. Not even once.

And, he didn't deserve it. He was not worthy of her tears.

How she wished she could go back to those times when she was still a little girl. Because then, when she fell on a tree and almost had her arm broken, when she got bruise for being careless on playing soccer, she didn't feel bad. She went home, head high and still delighted with her day.

Those times when her mom was still alive. Because then, when she was hurt, her mother would take care of her. She would comfort her with her hugs and kisses.

Those times when she was still with her siblings and playmates. Because then, the only feeling she knew was fun, and she was never alone.

How she wished she didn't already grow up, and didn't learn how to love. How she wished she didn't know how it felt to be hurt... by someone she really cared. Because it was too much. She didn't know if she would be still able to bear the pain.

"Mum..." Her muffled voice filled her room. "I miss you... I really, really miss you."

She felt so small, so fragile. Curling herself, and hugging her legs while sitting, all she wanted to do was to collapse.

"Dad... Ichi-nii... Yuzu... I wish... I wish you were here." She knew, she needed their actual presence more than their voices over the phone.

"I... I know that he is being hurt too, and I hate the fact that I am not able to know the reason. He needs someone who will help him realize that he is capable of being loved. Not because of what he acquired, but of him as a person. As himself. Deep inside, he's kind-hearted. Way better than those who pretend that they are. But he... He's afraid to show it... And I do not know why."

"I only want to be by his side. To help him. But... But... Am I not enough to do that? Am I not the person whom he needed? Why...Then, why shouldn't it just be me?"

Silence. For a few minutes, nothing was heard.

"And, why did I let myself to fall for him?"

.

.

It is not a love story written in a book. They are not the heroines of a romance novel. It is not the ordinary hate-turned-to-love plot. She is not the girl that the guy had fallen in love with. He is not her perfect man. It is not a happy ending story. No, it is not their own fairy tale.

She played, fair and square. Now, the game is almost over. Six months had passed.

She loves him. He still hates her.

She will leave broken. He will not even care.

Why is it that, in this game, she was the only loser?

* * *

**A/N: Yep, that's it. I just cut Karin's monologue short because I felt like I was already going beyond her character. Sorry if you found the style a li'l bit awkward, I am just experimenting and trying to adapt my essay-writing style into this story**

**Honestly, I am afraid that this chapter didn't met your expectations. I mean, it was honestly hard to write since it's not really my forte. I reread and edited it many times, and still not satisfied. But I hope, at least, you still had a good time on this chapter. Thank you for reading, and please let me know your thoughts. ^^**


	3. iii

**A/N: Okay, the last chapter. I am still skeptical about this story, y'know? But you, guys, are just really great that you were able to bring back my confidence! Lol. Okay, okay let's just save the drama for the story.**

**Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor Toushirou and Karin.**

* * *

He shall celebrate. Their little game with their parents is over. She will already leave.

Him and her, it doesn't make sense at all. They don't make sense, at all. And starting tomorrow, he will not already need to see her.

But something is wrong. With the idea of Karin leaving, Toushirou isn't unperturbed.

Does he really hate her?

Sure, he does. And far from other's belief, he knows that hate is not the antipodal of love; it is not even close to that. He hates her because he cares. Even if he doesn't want to. Hate is just angrily having concern with someone... an in denial love.

He can't let himself to fall in love again. All women are the same. Manipulator. User. Angel of disguise. Like the woman of his past relationship.

But Karin... There is something really different about her...

.

.

He is sitting on the side of his bed when he hears her voice.

"I just thought I'll tell my goodbye, first, before leaving tomorrow." Karin is standing at the door of his room, smiling, yet, something on her eyes is telling him that she isn't really happy.

He looks away. Those eyes... They are so weak that he can't bear to see them like that. It bothers him so much.

"Our parents are wrong about us. This arrangement doesn't work," he says in a prayer esque manner, still not looking at her.

"Right."

He notices that something is really off about her tone and it forces him to look at her. She is still on it. Having that smile on her face. A sad smile.

Dark-onyx eyes on sea-green. It is like an invisible charm is forcing them to just look at each other. As if, trying to bring out the meaning of the other's stare.

Suddenly, she speaks. "Hey, can I have a last favor from you?"

Giving her a quizzical look, he asked, "What is it?"

She doesn't answer. Instead, she walks towards him and stops in front.

He looks up at her. She smiles, not different from earlier. Before Toushirou is given the time to ask her again, Karin leans down, pressing her lips to his.

Even just for now. This is the first, and a great possibility of also being the last, that she'll let him know that she cares for him so much, that she loves him. She'll let him feel, with her kiss. Maybe, their goodbye kiss.

He is caught off guard, his eyes widen in surprise. With his body almost shaking, Karin is able to effortlessly push him down. His back meets his bed, and her, on top of him.

He had already kissed her before, but this... This is entirely different. She is the one who is carrying it out. Not forced like what he did to her the first time, but gentle. Not filled with anger, but having a genuine, bitter-sweet feeling.

Karin... Ah, that's it. Her ways. She is really unlike the others. She didn't try to break his icy walls. No, she melts it. Carefully. Little by little.

And him. He is already a hopeless case. He is not going to win against his feelings now. What Karin is doing to him, at the very moment, feels so right - perfect even. And with that, Toushirou gives up battling within himself. And he decides.

Screw his past. Screw the bitch who hurt him before. He is tired of escaping. He needs to let go, not to escape. That was then, and this is now. That was the materialistic whore, and this is Karin. Everything is not the same.

With his old resolve broken, Toushirou is about to respond to her kiss, but Karin pulls away. She looks at him with those unhappy eyes.

"Y-you are so unfair... Toushirou," she says, her voice unsteady, and her trembling hands fumbles on his shirt's collar. "W-why I am the only one to suffer with the rudeness of this fucking clichéd love?" She bits her lower lip to hold back the tears which are threatening to escape.

Guilt. It consumes him. He doesn't like to see her like this. He wants her smile. Her smile, bright like sunny days.

"I am an idiot, right?" He doesn't already need to ask. The answer is obvious. At least, for him.

Forgetting their awkward position, he continues, "I just almost let the woman, I love, go. I just almost let you go." Absentmindedly, he wraps his arm on her waist. He sighs, before tearing his gaze from her and angling his face to the side. "Please... Don't leave."

Is it only a dream? Toushirou is pleading for her to stay. The one Hitsugaya Toushirou is confessing to her. Karin, thinking everything is impossible, gives him an incredulous look.

Toushirou looks back at her. "I always thought I'll be fine being lonely. But, I am tired of this shit. Then you came, and... and now, I am already afraid." And there, he admits it. He is afraid. Not of falling in love with Karin, but of the possibility that she will also leave him, one day.

His eyes are no more guarded. He put all his barriers down. For her to see the true him behind those frozen surface. He is like a kid who is filled with the fear of getting lost in the crowd.

His hold at her tightens, as if scared that she will run away because of his next words. "I love you... Karin."

Laugh or cry. She doesn't already know what she's going to do. Laugh because his confession was really awful. Or cry because of the overwhelming feeling that she, finally, heard those three words that she thought he will never tell her, even in dreams. So both, she does.

"I hate you. I really hate you, Toushirou. You know that?" Her words are muffled as she buries her face on crook of his neck.

"I know," he breathes.

Not a single second is wasted when she lifts her head and leans to kiss him, again. This time, he reciprocates her action.

Their first shared kiss. Deep and passionate. Where neither of them hesitates. Where both of them are willing to do it.

"You'll never need to be lonely again, idiot. I'll be here. Always." It is her promise as their lips parted. A promise where he can hold on. Forever.

.

.

Their relationship is a dramatic comedy. One moment, they were arguing, getting on each one's nerve and even emotionally hurting - intentional or not - one another.

Then, the next thing they know, they wake up, cuddling each other, fully undressed under the blanket and stupidly grinning on the memories of the last night's ecstasy. Bluntly, make-up sex.

They are so naïve, yet so experienced. So immature, yet so grown up.

True, it is not really a happy ending story. For it is only a start, and they both know that it will, already, never end.

* * *

_..._

_Once upon a time, their feelings were lost in a maze._

_But in the midst of those intricate passages, they found each other._

_And together, they discovered the path leading to the world waiting for them outside._

_..._

* * *

**A/N: Uhm... What? I told you I am not really good on this. And, uhm... yeah, yeah, I understand if you are disappointed with this I-do-not-know-what-to-call ending. Maybe, so-so ending, or wtf ending. This story is not intended to show a detailed relationship between them, but only to describe their feelings, that is why it is more of a "tell" than "show." And excuse the little fluff. Hehe, I can't help it. I am just a big fan of fluffs, y'know? xD**

**I am really, really thankful to those who loved, loves and will love this even though I felt like I was just talking non-sense in the entire story. Thank you, really, guys! I love you so much! :D**

**There, there. Until next time, my friends! :) And kindly review before leaving this page. ;D**


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